Saturday, 23 June, 2007

Sardar - Back On Demand

A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question -

Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?

Sardar- Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.


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Sardarji, tell me ...., what is the meaning of SMS ?

Sardar angrily said, i know -

it means....

S - Sardaron ke

M - Mazak udane ki

S - Service


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Shopkeeper: "ISke Saath koi gift nahin hai bhaisaab"

Sard : "Oye ispe likha hai CHOLESTROL FREE!!"

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ONE FINE DAY A GIRL PROPOSED TO A SARDAR AND SARDAR DENIED
SIMPLY SAYING THAT IN OUR FAMILY,

WE MARRY ONLY OUR RELATIVES..

MY MOM MARRIED MY DAD,

MY BROTHER MARRIED MY BHABHI ,

MY UNCLE MARRIED MY AUNT AND SO ON.
SO PLEASE EXCUSE ME !!!!!

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Sardarjee to Sunita: "I want to marry you"
Sunita: "But I am one year elder than you."
Sardarjee: "No Problem, then I will marry you next year."

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Two Sardars went into a pub and after ordering two
drinks took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.
"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.
So the two sardars exchanged their sandwiches.

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Once a Sardarji was going to his office.
On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badly hurt.
Next day , he noticed two banana peels and
exclaimed" ari , aaj to choice hai"!!!!!!

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American says "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."
Sardarji " India mein to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hi hoti
hai...!!!"

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Dr Chopra psychotherapist wanted 'Sign board' to be
pained in front of his clinic but our Sardar painter
painted "Dr Chorpa Psycho The Rapist"

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What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE .........

Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai......

Doosari bigadati hai to "SHUROO' ho jati hai

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Doctor to Sardaar : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?

Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saal sey mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....

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A two seater plane crashed in a graveyard ........

Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still..... digging for more.

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Sardar found answer to most difficult question ever

What comes first - the chicken or the egg ?

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A sardar invested 2 Lakhs in a business and Suffered
huge Loss.
Do u know what the business was?
. . . .. . . . . . . . He opened a Saloon in Punjab!.

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A sardharji photographer focusing a dead body's face
in a funeral > function, suddenly all relatives beat
him why?
He said "SMILE PLEASE"

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Srdr gets ready ,wears tie, coat ,goes out, climbs
tree, sits on the
branch regularly. A man asks why he does this.
Srdr:"I've been promoted as branch manager."

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Sardarji standing below a tube light with a open
mouth.................
WHY?

because his doctor advised him "Todays dinner should
be light".

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SARDAR & FAMILY GO 2 A PARTY. HE INTRODUCES HIMSELF
I SARDAR,SHE SARDARNEE, THE BOY MY KID & THE GIRL MY
KIDNEY....

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One sardarji professor asked a plumber to come to
his college.

U knw Why?

Because he wanted to check where the question paper is
leaking...

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Sardar told his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It's already raining.
Sardar: So what take an umbrella and go.

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Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine"

He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"

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How do you recognize a Sardar in School?

He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

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once a Sardhar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so. He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

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Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil engineer, who just laid a road near his house. "Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job he has done! The distance from my house to the railway station is the same as the railway station to my house!!!!!!!!"

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Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalte the, woh kya rahe honge....think.............

"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI"

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What is the chemical formula 4 water? Sardar: HIJKLMNO.

Teacher: what r u talking about?

Sardar: Yesterday u said H to O.

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Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why do you take these things with you?). Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!

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Sardar ji Aapko logo ne kyun mara ? Sardar " yaar Meri Photo Bas main Gir Gayi To Maine Madam Se Kaha Zara Sadi Upar Karo Photo Lena Hai"

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Ek sardar Indian Flag lene shop mein gaya tha. Shopwale ne usse flag diya. Sardar bola: Isme aur colour dikhao!!!

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Ek american ek sardar se kaha hamare yahan saadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai isper sardar bola kamal hai hamare yahan to sirf female se hoti hai

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A Sardar went 2 hotel, ordered chiken, Waiter comes with the order, Surdar:Murgey di taang kithe hai? Waiter:Woh langra tha.

Surdar: Dil? Waiter:Dil murgi le gayee. Surdar: Dimaag? Waiter: Murga SARDAR tha

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SARDAR:: Beta ye kaisi machis lay kar aaye ho ek bhi nahi jal rahi
SON :: kya baat kartay ho pappa sub check kar kay laya hoooon

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This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon
sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji
replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to
janwar hai, usko kya pata"

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Sardar ji is buying a TV
"Do you have color TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

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Sardar ji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes

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What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

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What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra
sheet?
He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.

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What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you? Pull the pin and throw it back.

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How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday? Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

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One day evening a Sardarji starts from office to home with pushing his scooter manually. He met his friend on the way...

Friend: why are you pushing your scooter manually? Sardarji: 'I forgot to bring the scooter key from my home. Friend: 'Is it!

Then, How did you come to office from home in the morning?' Sardarji: 'I was pushing my scooter from home to office also in the morning.

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How Does a Sardar Cheat the Railways?? He buys the ticket but doesn't travel !!!!!!!!

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BEPPO SINGH QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE. Friend: What are you looking at? Beppo Singh: I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Beppo Singh: four asterisks!

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Sardar sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, "DELIVERED".

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Two Sardarjis, both student of I.I.T, Kanpur, were talking about the American Astronauts.

One said to the other, "What's the big deal about going to the moon-anybody can go to the moon. We are sardars we will go direct to the sun."

"But if we get within 13 million miles from the sun, we'll melt."

And the first answered, "So what, we'll go at night."


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One Sardar read a board "likhney wala briliant.....parhney wala idiot.." Sardar becomes engry, he rub the board and writes, "parhney wala briliant, likhney wala idiot...."

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Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies, "Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin".

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What did the Sardar say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"

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What do you call an eternity?
Four Sardars in four cars at a four way stop.

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Why do Sardars have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First.

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What do SMART Sardars and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.

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Why did the Sardars stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
Oh look, Daddy...Donut seeds.

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Why do Sardars always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

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How can you tell when a Sardars sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

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Why can't Sardars dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone!

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This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"

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A jet ran in to some turbulent weather. To keep passengers calm, the air hostess brought out the beverage carts."I'd like a soda " said the passenger in the front row. Moving along, the air hostess asked the man behind her if he would like something."Yes I would," he replied. "Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!".

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"I'm going on vacation . Could you suggest a thrilling crime story ?" Santa asks to Banta. "Here this one is so suspenseful you won't be able to put it down" replies Banta. "only on the last page do you find out that the gardener did it".

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Santa meets Banta
Santa: "so have you moved to a new house"
Banta: "No."
Santa: "Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?"
Banta: "Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was looking for!".

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Do you really sell that much salt? A man asks to a Sardar who is running a grocery shop stocked with thousands of boxes of salt.
"No " says the Sardar. "I sell may be two boxes a month. To tell you the truth, I'm not a good salt seller. But the one who sell me salt-now he's a good salt seller."

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One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.
"What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.
" We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner.
"Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!" Exclaimed the Sardar

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One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the
thirteenth floor building when a man came running in
to his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter
Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in
panic.Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office
window. While coming down when he was near the tenth
floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named
Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered
he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground
he remembered he was not Santa Singh.

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A sardar walked up to the front desk of the library
and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the
most boring I've ever read. There was no story
whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!"
The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who
took our phone book."

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A sardar was walking along, when he looked up to
observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird
dropped a load when it was directly over him. The
Sardar says, "Good thing that cows don't fly."

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Did you hear about the sardar who asked his friends to
give him all their burnt out light bulbs? He just
bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.

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One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.A lady
came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar
answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and
asked! ! ! ! the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me
! Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same
question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar
enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you
Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and
answered "Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on
his face and said "Idiot, Sab tere Ko wahahn dhoond
rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai. "

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A call from ladies hostel at night to electricity office
" we lost the power send your men"
" No Man here, Use Candles"

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Then there was the 85 year old woman who found her husband in bed with another woman. She was so enraged that she dragged him to the balcony of their high-rise apartment and pushed him to his death.When she appeared in court, the judge asked if she had anything to say in her own defence."Well Your Honour," she replied, "I figured if at 92 he he could make love, he could fly too."

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Banat singh was working in a studio as a photographer. One day he went to a function to take some snaps. While filling the film roll in to the camera it dropped down rolled beneath to the saree of an woman. Sardar hesitated for a moment and approached the woman and said "Could you please lift up the saree so that I can take the photo"




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There is a group of 7 Sardars who plan to meet their old friend the
President Dr. Zail Singh The Sardars decide to take a taxi. The taxi driver takes them to Rashtrapati Bhavan. The meter shows Rs. 28/-, so the taxi driver says, "You have to pay me
Rs.
28/-." Now, the Sardars have to share the cost among themselves and so they
decide
to divide the total (Rs. 28/-) by the number of people, i.e . 7.
This is how they do the calculation to arrive at the answer:
____
7 | 28 = 13 ( 7 x 1 = 7, 7 x 3 = 21 ).
7
--
21
21
--
0
-- The driver is exceedingly happy upon receiving Rs. 13/- from each of
the
Sardars. He thanks them profusely and the feeling of happiness is
writtern
on his face as he leaves them and proceeds his way. Seeing this, the Sardars feel that they may have made a mistake. They decide to ask Zail Singh about it. After all, the fellow was the
President of the nation! They ask Zail Singh to check their calculation of the taxi fare. Zail Singh ponders over the calculations and finally says, "See, I am
not
good at division. The process just boggles me but addition is something
I am
an expert at. Let us add all the amounts you guys gave to the taxi
driver
and check the result. This is how I do for those tax forms I get very
often. The process is slow but is sure." The other sardars nod their
heads
(?) in appreciation. The President writes as shown below and also explains as he writes on:
13
13
13
13
13
13
13
--
28
--
i.e. 3+3+3+3+3+3+ 3= 21 and 21+1+1+1+1+1+ 1+1=28 so this checks out. He then says, "Yes, it's correct. But I can also call my close friend
and
Finance man Banta Singh. Banta Singh arrives, and when told of the problem, he replies that
he
doesn't think it is a bad deal but says, "No problem! I will verify it
via
mathematical computation. I'll verify it with multiplication. That
is
the
best technique for this, you see!" While others watch in admiration, Banta Singh goes on to write as
shown:
13
x7
--- (7*3=21 ,7*1=7 so 21+7=28)
21
+ 7
--
28 This checks out as well.
--
Then he says, "This is really fine. There should be no problem,
President
Sahab. After all, it is correct in all the methods."


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Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc. Then he the column SEX. He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote THRICE A WEEK. On seeing this in his appln. form, he was told that it was wrong and what they wanted it to be filled was either MALE or FEMALE. Again our sardar thought for a long time before coming up with the answer PREFERABLY FEMALES.

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Sardar Garbhajan singh went for his usual morning walk. At one junction he found a crowd. One man holding a syringe on one hand and the famous actress on the other hand. He threatens to inject the liquid which contain AIDS virus in to her body unless he is given a ransom of 10 corers of Rupees . Police men are helplessly watching. At this moment Garbachen rushed to the man and has a fight, he dropped the syringe, Police men arrested him. On the next day a ceremony is conducted to reward Garbachen. The chief guest CM of punjab while giving away the reward asked to the Garbachen " We are proud of you How did you show that much of courage even if you are aware of AIDS ?" Garbachen said "Sir I always wear a condom to avoid AIDS"

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One man went to consult as he is very thin and doesn't grow well after having enough food, after diagnosis doctor said there is a worm inside his stomach it eats everything you eat and the man asked for the treatment. Doctor prescribed the treatment "From tomorrow onwards when you come to see myself come with a banana and an apple". The net day he came with a banana and an apple. Doctor told him to eat the banana and insert the apple through his back hole. After one month treatment there is no change except size of the back hole increased so that the apple can be thrown through the hole freely. He told the doctor " Doctor there is no change in my physical condition after one month of treatment " Doctor told him "when you come tomorrow come with a banana and a hammer instead of apple". The next day he came with banana and the hammer. Doctor let the man to eat the banana first and wait for a five minutes while the worm come out from his stomach and told the ill fated patient "You idiot trying to change my diet , where is my apple??" At the very moment the doctor thrashed the worm with the hammer and the insect dead.

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This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata"

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There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is
celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?; .....comes the reply, ;Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!!;

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Santa and Banta went to US They have stayed a five star hotel. Santa don't know how to use the European closet he dropped everything in a packet and placed it on one of the leaves of the fan. Banta came and switch on the fan and everything spread on the wall When the room boy came Santa gave a 10 dollars and told him to wash it off . But the Room boy gazed at it for a five minutes and taken a 25 dollars from the pocket and told to Santa "I will give you this 25 dollars if you say how did u do it so beautifully".

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Garbachan singh was travelling from Calcutta to Bombay by a plane, There were one American, one Russian, one Pakistani and some other passengers. Suddenly something went wrong pilot alarmed that plane lost it's control and some of the passengers have to jump out to rescue the rest of them. Firstly the American jumped out saying "Jai America" again the condition didn't change then the Russian jumped out from the plane saying "Jai Russia". But the condition still the same. The next is Garbachen's turn he hesitated for a moment and pulled out the Pakistani by saying "Jai India".

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A jet ran in to some turbulent weather. To keep passengers calm, the air hostess brought out the beverage carts.
"I'd like a soda " said the passenger in the front row. Moving along, the air hostess asked the man behind her if he would like something.
"Yes I would," he replied. "Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!".

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"I'm going on vacation . Could you suggest a thrilling crime story ?" Santa asks to Banta. "Here this one is so suspenseful you won't be able to put it down" replies Banta. "only on the last page do you find out that the gardener did it".

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Santa meets Banta
Santa: "so have you moved to a new house"
Banta: "No."
Santa: "Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?"
Banta: "Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was looking for!".

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One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.
"What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.
" We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one runner.
"Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!" Exclaimed the Sardar

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While at the college Sardar happened to watch the notice board.
It reads: Invites suggestions for the modification of Ladies Room.
Sardar writes under Let the men Permit to Enter

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Once, a Hindu, a Sardar and an American were travelling in an aeroplane. Suddenly, something went wrong and the engines stalled. They had no parachutes with them. So all the three of them decided to risk their lives and jump out of their planes. First, the Sardar jumped out. He removed his turban, used it as a parachute and jumped. Using the turban he slowly floated down. Then the Hindu removed his dhoti and jumped out. Again his dhoti acted as a parachute and he also floated down gently. Seeing this, the American removed his shirt and pant and jumped out. Unfortunately, they did not do well as a parachute and he began to fall rapidly from the plane to the ground. He passed by the Hindu who said - " May Bhagwan help you". Then he passed the Sardar. The Sardar looked at the American zooming past him and was puzzled. So he said - "I see! You want a race! Let us see who is faster" Saying so, he let go of his turban.

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When Gavaskar finds out that there has been released, a movie, in Australia called "Gavaskar", he is very happy. He plans to watch it and gets a ticket for Australia at once. With great difficulty he manages to get a ticket and very happily he goes to see the movie. But when he comes out of the cinema he is very angry! He goes straight to the director of the movie and says, "What do you mean by this? You named your movie 'Gavaskar', but didnt show anything about me in it!". The director of the movie laughs and says, "So now you understand the problem? You people too made a movie called 'Border', but did you show anything about Allan Border in it?"

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A Punjabi Sardar and a Bengali Babu were talking about their State's patriotic history during the freedom struggle. The debate heated up and both ended up claiming that their state had the maximum number of freedom fighters. They finally agreed on a method to find which of the states had more freedom fighters. Each person would say the name of a freedom fighter from his state and pull one hair out of his opponents head. Both of them began earnestly. "Bhagat Singh" said the Sardar and pulled one hair from the Bengali. "Netaji" said the Bengali and did the same. They continued like this for some time, but soon exhausted all known freedom fighters. The Bengali, however, was very clever. He used Sardar's ignorance and reeled off a lot of imaginary names. The Punjabi was stuck. He did not know any more Punjabi freedom fighter's name. He thought deeply for
a moment, jumped on the Bengali's head and pulled all his hair out shouting - "JallianWala Bagh".

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Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon bhai, ye sab kyon leke baithe ho?" (Why do you take these things with you?). Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun" (If the stupid train comes late, I will die of hunger!)

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Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for that he replied ; Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, and thought, and thought ... and at last I wrote THUNK !!!;

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sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he might be thinking?? Saala aaj bhi girna padega!!!

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Banta Singh dialed to talk to his dear pal Santa Singh "Is that 6545224?." asked Banta Singh. "No this is 6545225." came the reply. After thinking for few seconds Banta Singh replied "No matter, please call Mr. Santa Singh from next door

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An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector .The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"Ok", he says, "10 bottles".
And the machine is silent.
The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers".
BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector.
"All right, 8 hamburgers".
And the machine's silent.
The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

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Santa and Banta work in a software company. One day, they were to move their m/cs to another building. Santa was having a tough time carrying his machine.
Santa : "My m/c has 500 MB disk.
See how easily I am carrying it. Yours has just 250 MB.
Can't you carry even this much?"
Banta : "But yours is empty and my disk is full"!!!

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Once Santa Singh was riding a cycle and he suddenly hit a girl!
So girl shouted, 'Sala ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!!!'
And sardarji replied, 'Poori cycle to maar di ab ghanti alag se
maroon??!!!'

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Help....
The Titanic is going to be drowned.... Everybody in the ship is
shouting,
crying, running or praying to God...
Just then an Italian asks the nearby Sardarji in the ship.
Italian : How far is land, from here ?
Sardarji : Two miles ..
Italian : Only two miles, Then why are these fools making noise. I have
got the experience of swimming even more. The Italian jumps off the ship
into the sea and comes up to the layer to ask something again.
Italian : Just tell me which side, is land two miles from here?
Sardarji : Downwards......

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Once a sardar was looking at a WANTED poster & was wondering -

Saala wanted tha to photo kheenchne ke baad use jaane kyon diya ?

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Sardar car ki battery change karwane gaya ...

Mechanic - Sahab, Exide ki daal doon ?

Sardar - Nahin yaar, dono side ki daal de, warna phir problem hogi.


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A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji orders Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because he knows only sardar
jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab sardar mar gaye hai kya?"

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Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like anything. So the other asked,"Why are you crying?"

The first one replied, "I came here for blood test" Second one asked," So? Are you afraid?" First one replied,"No, not that.

During the blood test they cut my finger" Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."

Friday, 1 June, 2007

Sardar Jokes

Santa Singh sent his bio data to America to apply for a post in Microsoft. A few days later he got this reply:- Dear Mr. Singh, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained. Thanks

Santa singh jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all the guests had come, he said Bhaiyon aur Behno,aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki mujhay america mein naukri mil gayee hai." Everyone was delighted. Santa singh continued Ab main aap sab ko apnaa appointment letter padkar sunaongaa par letter english main hai isliyen saath-saath hindi main translate bhee kartaa jaongaa.

Dear Mr. Singh-----pyare singh sahab

You do not meet----aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement----humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any furthur correspondance----ab letter vetter bhejnay kee zaroorat nahee hai.

No phone call ----phone vone kee bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained----bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks----aapkaa bahut bahut shukriya

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A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules here in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".

2. How many seconds are there in a year?

The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.

2. There are 12 seconds in a year. Saint Peter said, "OK, Ill buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though its not the answer I expected.

But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?" The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..." Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.

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One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing " Our Sardar slapped him on his face and said, "Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai."

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After making a trip of South India , Santa Singh ,his wife and his son were returning to punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa Singh was occupying the lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most berth in the train. When the train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested Santa Singh to bring him a cup of Ice cream to which Santa readily agreed. When Santa and his son returned they found that a South Indian who couldn't understand hindi had occupied his son's birth . Outraged, Santa Singh called the TT and asked him to help. TT requested that he could not understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santa Singh explained the whole situation to him in English. Santa Singh explained , " That man sleeping on top of my wife is not giving birth to my child."

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A Sardarji and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would like to play a fun game.

The Sardarji, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa."

Again, he declines and tries to get some sleep.

The American, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5,and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the Sardarji's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The Sardarji doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet,pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the American.

"Okay," says the American, "your turn".

He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The American, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer & searches all his preferences........no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress... no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the Sardarji and hands him $500.

The Sardarji thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The American, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the Sardarji and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Sardarji reaches into his purse,hands the american $5,and goes back to sleep.

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A sardarji comes up to the Pakistan border on his bike. He's got two large bags over his shoulders.

The guard Iqbal stops him and says, 'What's in the bags?' 'Sand,' answered the Sardarji.

Iqbal says, 'We'll just see about that. Get off the bike.'

Iqbal's guard takes the bags and rips them apart, he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains the sardarji all night and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. Iqbal releases the sardaji, puts the sand into new bags, hefts them onto the sardarji's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. Iqbal asks, 'What have you got?' 'Sand,' says the Sardarji.

Iqbal does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to the Sardar, and crosses the border on his bike. This sequence of events is repeated every day for three years.

Finally, the Sardarji doesn't show up one day and the guard, Iqbal, meets him in a 'Dhaba' in Islamabad.

'Hey, Buddy,' says Iqbal, 'I know you are smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about...I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?'

The Sardaji, sips his Lassi and says, 'Bikes'

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Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed.. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." A sardarji passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"

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Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a Sardarji, one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans killed him." The chief thanked him and he left. When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time, before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home, his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got the job, and I'm already investigating a murder.

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Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same every time. he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep with a sound "guooonn, guooonn." He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge. Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says "Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."

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Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at DEMAN CONSTRUCTION office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy". Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong. "Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"

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A sardar wanted to sell his old battered Maruti car which had done more than

100,000 kms. Since no body was inclined to buy it, he approached his friend to
help him dispose it off. The friend advised him to have the mileage meter
reading reduced to around 30,000 kms so that he could tell the prospective
customer that it has been used sparingly. The sardar liked the idea. A few
weeks later the same friend met him and enquired whether he was able to
dispose off his car. The sardar replied, "Are you mad? Who sells a car which
has done only 30000 kms!

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A Sardarjee reported for his University final examination which consists of
"yes/no" type questions. he takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at
the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes
his wallet out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the
answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour he is all
done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few
minutes, he is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The
moderator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "I finished the
exam in half and hour. But, I am rechecking my answers

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Santa Singh needed some money desperately. Someone told him that if goes & prays at Gurudwara, Mosque, Church & a temple, that his prayers will surely be answered. So Santa goes to a Gurudwara, & prays there. Then he goes to a Mosque and prays there. Than he goes to a church and prays there. Then he goes to a Shiv temple. The temple had a large Lord Shiva statue. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer.

Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Saannoo 100 rupayen chahiye. Kirpa karo."
The priest saw Santa praying. He wante to help Santa, but knew that a Sikh will never accept the money. So he drops a 100 rupee note, from behind the statue, so that Santa can not see him.

After Santa had said his prayers, and opened his eyes. He saw the note and thought that god has listened to his prayers. He takes the note and goes away. However he is back again next day for money. Now the priest is really annoyed with Santa. The Priest decides that he is not going to give any more money to Santa.
He changes the big Shivji statue with smaller one of Ganapathi that day. Once again Santa goes to the prayer room. However he does not notice the difference. Santa closes his eyes, bows his head, joins his hands and says his prayer. Santa: "Ho Jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Ajj to saannoo 50 rupayen hi chahiye. Kirpa karo." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money.

Santa: "O papa jee tussee itne vadde ho. Itne mahan ho. Asee 10 rupayen me hi kaam chala lenge. Kirpa karo jee." After that he slowly opens his eyes and does not find any money. He slowly raises his head and now notices that small Ganapthi statue. He carefully looks left and than right, & than slowly moves a bit forward near the statue. Than he whispers to the Statue: "Beta, Papa kitthe hai?!?!!

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Santa Singh and Banta Singh both bought one horse each.

They wanted to make sure that they feed their own horse each morning. So Santa Singh asked "how will we know which is your

and which is mine?"

Banta Singh said "its easy I will cut mine's tail, and yours will be the one with tail."

Some boys outside heard it and cut the tail of other horse too.

So the next morning confusion arose even more. Santa Singh said."don worry, ill tie a bell around its neck, yours will be the

one without the bell."

The boys heard this too so they cut the bell.

The next day, Santa Singh got frustrated and said

"OKAY!! now the last criteria will be that:

WHITE HORSE will be yours and BLACK HORSE will be mine."

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Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar, where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend.

He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect

him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the

third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him " Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
(What Happened, My Son?)

The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said, "Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste

chaar gear banaate hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?" (These Maruti Car people are crazy! They have four gears for

going forward, but only one for going back!)

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Santa Singh decided to start a chicken farm so he bought a hundred chickens to begin with. A month later he returned to the

dealer for another hundred chickens because all of the first lot had died. A month later he was back at t he dealer for

another hundred chickens for the second lot had also died.


'But I think I know where I'm going wrong,' said Santa, 'I think I'm planting them too deep.'

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We have our famous friend Santa Singh qualifying for the hot seat.
( He pressed the buttons by accident and managed to qualify).

Amitabh Bachchan : OK Santa I congratulate you for this opportunity here
with us.
Santa : Oh ji Wahe guru da khalsa wahe guru di fateh. Chak denge phatte
aaj.
Tusi start karo ji.

AB : OK Santa this is your first question for 1000
Rs. - 'Which state has the largest sikh population ?' and your options are
:
A. Punjab
B. Punjab
C. Punjab
D. Punjab
Santa : Oh ji how much time do I've to answer this question

AB : Samay ki koi pabandhi nahi hai Santa ji, you can t! ake your time
Santa (giggles) : Sir ji tricky sawaal puchha hai aapne. I would like to
use my lifeline.

AB : I'm not surprised on this , which one wud U like to use.
Santa : Audience poll

AB : OK audience please be ready with your voting pads, and your time
starts now.
After a minute we have a graphic presentation on the board.
A. 25%
B. 25%
C. 25%
D. 25%

AB : Santa ji, this is a no good situation for you, I can share your
disgust here.
Santa : Yeh mere saath hi kyon hota hai. Fasa diya Sirji aapki audience
ne.
I think I've to use my second lifeline - 50 50.

AB : Very good ! 50 50 ka istemal karna chahenge. OK
computer ji do galat jawab mita diye jayen.
Computer displays A. Punjab and C. Punjab
Santa : Badi chalu machine hai aapki sar ji. Mein chodoonga nahi aaj
isko.
Wahe guru de kasam mereko third life line bhi chahiye.

AB : Kamal hai Santa ji, I must congratulate you, You have record of
using
all the lifelines in the very first question.
This is great . OK phone a friend - kisko phone karna chahen ge aap.
Santa : My one and only one... mera langotiya yaar., Banta Singh.

AB : OK Banta ko phone lagaya jaye.
Phone rings. Banta picks it 'Hulloooooo, kon hai oye adhi raati,???'

AB : Hello Banta ji , mein Amitabh Bachhan bol raha hoon Star Plus ke
Kaun Banega Crorepati se.
Banta : OOOOOOOOOO Bachan ji Sasriyakal, koi hor hota to uski to mein....
#_^_%_#_%_%_&. Ki hal chal he sar ji.

AB : Mein thik hoon Banta ji, par ye ek family show hai is liye aap
apshabdon ka prayog na karen to behtar hoga. Aapke dost yahaan
bethe hain mere saath aur.................
Banta (Interrupts) : Aur wo sala pehle hi question pe atak gayahoga,
khota hai sala. Sawal pucho ji.

AB : Aapko sirf tees second .,.............chaliye mein aapko special
case
karte hue 1 minute doonga. Aur aapka samay shuru hota hai aab.
Santa : Oye bante ke ho raya hai yaar ??
Banta : Oye ullu de dum, saale bahar se taala laga gaya khote. Sawere dud
wala aaya si, paise mang raya si, aur khotya tu meri kameez
pehen
gaya. Sale chakki se aata lana tha, tera baap layega kya ??.

AB: Santa ji kya kar rahe hain samay khatam ho raha hai.
Santa : Yes Yes. Oye chod use yaar question hai ..... (he tells him the
question).
Banta : Saale sari zindagi tere nakal mar ke fail hota raha hoon, par iska
answer
mujhe aata hai. Kalank hai tu Punjab ke naam pe. Iska answer
Punjab hai
lallu.
Santa : oye par ......... (and the clock stops).

AB : Samay khatam, aapke mitr ne jawab de diya hai , ab to mujhe pakka
confidence
hai ke aap kam se kam 1000 to le ke jayenge hi aaj.
Santa : Ullu ka patha hai ji, ye to mujhe bhi pata hai par sale ne yeh
to batya nahin ke A hai ya C hai.

And this was the last episode of KBC as most of the audience died
laughing...

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